She says - "Can
you believe we've been married another whole year?"
He says " Sure--I'll have another cold beer!"
She says "Sigh...Remember those first weeks of matrimony!"
He says "Pizza with pepperoni...sounds good!"
She says - "Course, now I have a little more around the hips."
He says "More chips? sure..."
She says "It's still amazing how attuned we are to each other."
He says "What? You mooned my mother?"
"Communication: The key to every great marraige!"
Tomato cards DCI Studios-
Given to me for
our anniversary from my husband Joe.
Feature
Article: SQR – A
Framework for Clear Communication
Earlier
this month, I had the opportunity to work with
Charles Zook, CPCC (Certifed Co-Active Professional
Coach). He is a talented relationship coach
who introduced me to a simple framework for clear
communication that he has devised to help his clients
avoid misunderstandings and handle difficult conversations
and upsetting situations. SQR stands for sharing,
questions, and requests. When properly used, these
simple tools can help you express yourself and
to hear what someone else is trying to say to you
during a misunderstanding. These apply in relationships
and families as much as they do in organizations,
businesses, and other teams.
Sharing is making a statement, stating how you feel or a point of view.
In responding to a “share,” it is important to let the speaker
know that she has been heard. Repeating back to her what you think you
heard. Summarizing her comments or clarifying what you believe
she is saying are all ways to communicate that you are listening and
indeed heard what was being said.
The purpose of a question should be gaining information and the response
to a question is a share. A challenging conversation will be more effective
if we don’t use questions to diminish the other person or to place
blame. Consider the energy of the following scenarios:
Bob: You’re late. Are you going to tell me you had car trouble
again?
Sam: Are you implying that you don’t trust me, Bob?
Bob: What’s not to trust?
Sam: What’s not to trust? Have you noticed how often you make excuses?
Or
Bob: Sam, you were late for the meeting this morning. What happened?
(question)
Sam: Honestly Bob, I thought the meeting started at 9:30 not 9:00. (share)
Bob: I see. You had the wrong start time. (response to share) Can we
talk about what’s on my mind? (request)
Bob’s final question is a request. A request is a question that
requires someone to take action. In response to a request, you can agree,
disagree, or make a counter offer. In our example, Bob may conclude this
conversation by requesting that Sam be on time for subsequent meetings.
Sam may agree to be held accountable or not or he might counter offer
by agreeing to at least telephone in if he is going to be late.
This simple framework might feel clunky at first, especially the part
about letting someone know they have been heard before responding with
a share or a question or a request. The reward however is a true honoring
of each other’s voice, acknowledging the importance of each other’s
thoughts, feelings, and opinions, and being able to stay in a powerful
place of positive communication rather than creating misunderstandings.
Article
written by Lora Banks and edited by Joannie Jorczak
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Notesfrom
Joannie: Need for SQR at Home
As
you might have noticed in my introduction, my husband
gave me the quoted card for our anniversary. Is there
a need for SQR (Share/Question/Request) at the Jorczak
household? You betcha. I say something, Joe hears what
he thinks I'm about to say and responds in kind. A
real life example would be me asking, "Do you
want me to drive?" Him answering, "Yes" as
he climbs into the driver seat. These kind of things
started happening so often that I had to laugh or I
was going to scream, “don't you hear me???” So
now that I've called him on it, guess what has happened?
He listens better and I have discovered that I do the
same thing to him and I'm sure I do it to other people
at times too. Oh, so often it is what we don't like
in ourselves that bugs us about other people. At least
I'm noticing and doing what I can to improve the situation
and can use the SQR method.
Wishing you a wild and safe holiday season filled with love and laughter
and an outstanding 2005!! I’m looking forward to connecting with
you.
Love, Joannie
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Complimentary
Coaching Session
Great communication is the key to every
great relationship whether it be personal or professional.
If you want to be a better communicator and have better relationships
at work, at home, and/or with friends, contact
me for a complimentary coaching session.
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Coming
Next: Goals and Intentions
It
is that time of year again when people start making
their New Year's resolutions. What are your goals and
intentions for the upcoming year? Look for next months
newsletter to help you clarify what's really important
and give you some tools to stick with it to make those
goals into habits and reality.
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